A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds, "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of course," replies the second man.

"I'm curious," the first man then asks, "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '64."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '64, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Keefe twins are drunk again."

There were three guys talking in a bar. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”

The third fellow says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” They asked. She said, “get out from under the bed and fight like a man”.

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."

The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"

A man traveling on business, walks into a local bar, sits down and asks the bartender for a shot of 25 year old scotch.

The bartender looking to have a little fun, and make a few extra dollars, pours the guy a shot of bar brand scotch.

The businessman taking his first sip, realizes this is not what he ordered, calls over the bartender. "Excuse me, do you remember what I ordered".

"Why certainly sir", says the bartender, "You wanted a shot of 25 year old scotch".

"That is correct", replies the customer. "The scotch you served, can't be more than 2 years old".

The bartender apologies, and goes off to correct his mistake. A little upset for being caught, the bartender again tries to fool his customer, by pouring him a shot of 12 year old scotch.

After his first taste of the scotch, he immediately again knew, this was not the beverage of his choice.

So once again, he calls over the bartender, to verify his drink order. "Bartender, can you tell me again what I ordered".

"Yes sir, you ordered a shot of my 25 year old scotch".

"Again that is correct". But unfortunately, the scotch you served is not more than 12 years old".

At this point he bartender is impressed, and realizes the guy is a true connoisseur of scotch whiskey, and goes off to get his 25 year old scotch.

With savoring only a few drops, the man knew he finally got what he ordered, and comments to the bartender, "Now this is, 25 year old scotch".

The local drunk who witnessed everything, turns to the businessman and says, "Hey buddy, try this drink.

The traveler not wanting any trouble, takes the glass from the drunk, and gives a taste. Immediately, the guy spits it out, and screams, "My god, this is urine".

"Thats right", says the drunk, "But How Old am I?"

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

Actually, no". the man replies.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't, breathes the bartender. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message." she continues, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him," she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."