http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php Copyright 2009, Resources For Attorneys bj@resourcesforattorneys.com Resources For Attorneys bj@resourcesforattorneys.com en-US SPHPBLOG 0.4.8 http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090505-040420
Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed.

"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."

"I insist on another room!!!" said the drunk.

"Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.

"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."]]> http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090505-040420 Resources For Attorneys bj@resourcesforattorneys.com Tue, 05 May 2009 09:04:20 GMT http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=09&m=05&entry=entry090505-040420 http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090505-035748
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."]]> http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090505-035748 Resources For Attorneys bj@resourcesforattorneys.com Tue, 05 May 2009 08:57:48 GMT http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=09&m=05&entry=entry090505-035748 http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090505-035112
The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds, "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of course," replies the second man.

"I'm curious," the first man then asks, "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '64."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '64, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Keefe twins are drunk again."]]> http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090505-035112 Resources For Attorneys bj@resourcesforattorneys.com Tue, 05 May 2009 08:51:12 GMT http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=09&m=05&entry=entry090505-035112 http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080716-015100
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”

The third fellow says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” They asked. She said, “get out from under the bed and fight like a man”.
]]> http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080716-015100 Resources For Attorneys bj@resourcesforattorneys.com Wed, 16 Jul 2008 06:51:00 GMT http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=07&entry=entry080716-015100 http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080626-000849
The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."

The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"]]> http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080626-000849 Resources For Attorneys bj@resourcesforattorneys.com Thu, 26 Jun 2008 05:08:49 GMT http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=06&entry=entry080626-000849 http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080523-203656
The bartender looking to have a little fun, and make a few extra dollars, pours the guy a shot of bar brand scotch.

The businessman taking his first sip, realizes this is not what he ordered, calls over the bartender. "Excuse me, do you remember what I ordered".

"Why certainly sir", says the bartender, "You wanted a shot of 25 year old scotch".

"That is correct", replies the customer. "The scotch you served, can't be more than 2 years old".

The bartender apologies, and goes off to correct his mistake. A little upset for being caught, the bartender again tries to fool his customer, by pouring him a shot of 12 year old scotch.

After his first taste of the scotch, he immediately again knew, this was not the beverage of his choice.

So once again, he calls over the bartender, to verify his drink order. "Bartender, can you tell me again what I ordered".

"Yes sir, you ordered a shot of my 25 year old scotch".

"Again that is correct". But unfortunately, the scotch you served is not more than 12 years old".

At this point he bartender is impressed, and realizes the guy is a true connoisseur of scotch whiskey, and goes off to get his 25 year old scotch.

With savoring only a few drops, the man knew he finally got what he ordered, and comments to the bartender, "Now this is, 25 year old scotch".

The local drunk who witnessed everything, turns to the businessman and says, "Hey buddy, try this drink.

The traveler not wanting any trouble, takes the glass from the drunk, and gives a taste. Immediately, the guy spits it out, and screams, "My god, this is urine".

"Thats right", says the drunk, "But How Old am I?"]]> http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080523-203656 Resources For Attorneys bj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sat, 24 May 2008 01:36:56 GMT http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080523-203656 http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080511-183220
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

Actually, no". the man replies.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't, breathes the bartender. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message." she continues, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him," she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."]]> http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080511-183220 Resources For Attorneys bj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sun, 11 May 2008 23:32:20 GMT http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080511-183220 http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080504-214735
A few weeks pass uneventfully. One afternoon, a local cowhand comes running through town yelling, "Big John is coming to town! Run for your lives!"

When the bartender exits the saloon to start running, he's knocked to the ground by several townspeople scurrying out of town. As he's picking himself up, he sees a large man approaching the saloon, probably about 7 feet tall, muscular, grunting and growling as he walks.

He stomps up to the door, orders the poor barkeep inside, and demands, "I want a beer now!"

He pounds his heavy fist on the bar, nearly splitting it in half. The bartender nervously hands the big man a beer, hands shaking. He takes the beer, rips the top of the bottle off with his teeth, and downs the beer in one gulp.

As the poor timid bartender cowers behind the bar, the big man gets up to leave. "Do you want another beer?" the bartender calls out.

"Dang it, I don't have time!" the big man yells. "I gotta get out of town. Didn't ya hear Big John is a-comin?"]]> http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080504-214735 Resources For Attorneys bj@resourcesforattorneys.com Mon, 05 May 2008 02:47:35 GMT http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080504-214735 http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080424-202329
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this."

Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his problem.

"I happen to have the name of a Psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they get."

The man wrote down the name of the Doctor, thanked the bartender, and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being.

Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine.

"I certainly did," the man said. "I've been seeing the Psychoanalyst twice a week." He took a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the bartender's face.

The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. "The Doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good." He sputtered.

"On the contrary," the man claimed, "he's done me world of good."

"But you threw the wine in my face again!" The bartender exclaimed.

"Yes," the man replied. "But it doesn't embarrass me anymore."]]> http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080424-202329 Resources For Attorneys bj@resourcesforattorneys.com Fri, 25 Apr 2008 01:23:29 GMT http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080424-202329 http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080419-203703
When he gets back to his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone up, so he takes off his shoes and starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs, he loses his balance, falls over backwards, and lands flat on his rear end.

That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had a couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets and they broke. The broken glass carved up his rear end terribly, but he was so drunk he didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he saw some blood. He checked himself out in the mirror and sure enough, his rear end is cut up something terrible. He repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances and went to bed. The next morning, his head was hurting and his rear was hurting, and he was laying under the covers trying to think up a good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You were plastered last night - where'd you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."]]> http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080419-203703 Resources For Attorneys bj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sun, 20 Apr 2008 01:37:03 GMT http://barjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080419-203703